Legion

K: I was so disappointed in Legion. I love action/sci-fi movies so I was kind of excited to see this one. I know the reviews weren't good, but I don't listen to movie critics because they tend not to appreciate the action/sci-fi genre as much as I do. First the good points: Paul Bettany is nice to look at; and the best scene in the whole movie was when the fry cook ninja chucked a cast iron frying pan at the freaky old lady's head. Bad points: a whole lot of nothing happened; Dennis Quaid; it was never explained why this baby, of all the babies in the world waiting to be born, was the one that could save the human race; and the thing I hated most was the stupid, moron guy who was supposed to be the protector of the girl and her baby. He was such an idiot that I was seriously wondering if they were going to give us the revelation that he was borderline mentally handicapped. Very irritating. I'm sorry to say that I don't recommend this movie at all. Don't even rent it.

J: Ok, so there’s these people in a diner in the middle of the desert and one of them is pregnant but what they don’t know is that God has given up on mankind and has ordered Archangel Michael to kill the baby so He can destroy the human race.

You now know all there is to know about the plot of this abysmal movie. Unfortunately, the director, Scott Stewart and the writer, Peter Schnick seemed to feel the need to explain even more about this tissue thin plot – ad nauseum! I spent most of the time watching this film (an hour & 40 minutes of my life that I would dearly like to get back!) waiting for something to happen; and waiting and waiting. But, sadly, nothing happened. With the exception of the ninja frying pan scene my PIC mentioned and an ice cream guy that turns into an arachnid, NOTHING EVER HAPPENED. That this movie got even one star is a testament to a couple of good actors. Paul Bettany as Michael does the best he can with this meager script and Charles Dutton, as the cook in the diner, is always good for being the guy who spouts scripture when needed. And then we come to Dennis Quaid. I have to admit that he did a fairly good job in The Day After Tomorrow but after mucking up a prize with loads of potential like Pandorum, I’m pretty much done with trying to justify the dramatic range of a flea. Dennis Quaid makes Chistian Bale seems like Sir Lawrence Olivier!

This film could really have benefited from some special effects and gratuitous violence, at least something would be happening to break up the overly long explanations of family history and God getting cheesed off at the human race. But directors, please take note – we were over the really big mouth spewing whatever effect after The Mummy Returns so STOP USING IT! Honestly, because humans were capable of making a movie this bad would be enough for me to justify blowing mankind away. And, by the way, two Archangels trading effectual blows at the very end of the movie does not a Legion make.

So, please use the hour and a half you would spend watching this movie to do something more worthwhile – like contemplating your navel or gathering toe jam. Do anything, but stay away from this movie! You’re welcome.